About My Divorce


By Boni Lonnsburry


divorce2
I knew it would happen. Once I announced that my marriage had ended I knew there would be those who would be disappointed and disillusioned with my work (and me). I guess that’s one reason I waited until I was strong, and (mostly) healed to make the news public.

Thankfully, my announcement brought mostly support. People emailed me lovely messages of gratitude, love and encouragement. Such as:

“Thank you so much for this beautiful email. I’m sorry to hear about your divorce but I am happy that you’re looking at it (in) the right light. Your words encouraged me to go for what I want, and most of all to be happy, and bring joy into my life. Thank you for the meditation advice, I look forward to being with my higher self! I love you and take care.”

And then there were messages like this:

“What happened, Boni?  Did your husband pass on?  Or did you have a parting of ways? Not too long ago, you were telling us your methodology had brought you your soulmate, your marriage was bliss, and you were living in bliss, your life was bliss.  Perhaps one of the lessons to learn has to do with pretense and honesty in all things, all matters, all ways.”

I have to say that last bit did make me angry at first. If anything I was the opposite of pretentious. Most of you will never know how much of my fairy-tale life I didn’t tell you about—it was so far over the top I was a bit embarrassed.

And it was bliss—my marriage and my life. I enjoyed and cherished many, many moments of sheer happiness, fun and love.

And then it was over.

I won’t go into the details—not to protect my privacy (I really am an open book) but my ex’s. However, I do want to address some misconceptions many have about conscious creation, and my creation(s) in particular.

It’s not black and white

It’s your adolescent who says, “Marriage should last forever,” and “If Boni has divorced her husband who she said was the love of her life, then she’s lied to us all along.”

Adolescents never see shades of grey—they live in an either/or world. And if you let your adolescent run your life, you won’t be as effective as you could be in creating the life you desire.

The world, humans, and creating are complex. And we live in a world of duality—there is a little good in everything bad, and a little bad in everything good (think of the yin/yang symbol). The more you can accept that, the more forgiving you’ll be of yourself and less judgmental of others.

You can’t control how something manifests

One of the main tenants of conscious creation is that you must let go of how something manifests. Of course you can have a preference, and my preference was to stay married to my husband.

But if two people are no longer in alignment energetically, the union (in the illusion) will end—one way or another. The love can and will live on, beyond the illusion. Love never dies.

But sometimes it is appropriate for even a very loving relationship to end.

I know many don’t want to hear this. But please remember you are creating it all—and if you did create a relationship ending, you can create even greater love beyond it.

Contracts and soul choices are a thing

I haven’t written much about soul contracts. It’s a rather advanced topic and confuses some. But sometimes we do make choices and create realities from a higher level than our physical selves.

I had always known my union with my ex-husband was a soul contract. I still assumed it would last forever—and I think it could have. But we each made choices that changed that plan.

Did knowing it was a soul choice make it easier? A little—it helped me resist the temptation to second-guess my decision.

But it didn’t take away the pain and grief of ending the marriage. I still needed to work through that. Thankfully had a ton of support from my friends (both seen and unseen).

Failure doesn’t exist

We on the physical plane are so quick to judge something a success or failure. It’s my belief that failure doesn’t exist—experience exists. And everything we experience can derail us, or springboard us into more exciting, fulfilling, love-filled and prosperous realities.

My marriage was a success. I grew, I loved, I was loved and I had a ton of fun. That it ended didn’t suddenly make it (or me, or him) a failure. It was just time to move on.

It comes down to (you know it’s coming) beliefs. If you believe no matter what happens you can heal and move on to the very best part of your life (yet)—you will.

Physical reality is an illusion—and all illusions will end

This is tough for all of us. Whether a relationship ends, a job ends, or a life ends, it can feel like the world is ending. Even though we may be evolved and know nothing real ever ends, it is still painful to say goodbye. We must give ourselves the time and space to grieve, heal and become whole again.

Despite all that I know—I’m human

Yes, my gift is teaching people about conscious creation and I’m pretty good at creating in my own life. But I’m human, too. I don’t do it perfectly and although I don’t think creating my divorce was a mistake, I do make them.

Don’t put me on a pedestal when you see all I’ve created, or on a cross when you think I’ve failed.

Let me be your friend and let’s learn and grow together. Doing so will help you to let go of expecting perfection from yourself, and to more easily forgive yourself when you do mis-create.

Endings are also beginnings

It’s never (ever) the end of the story. I will go on to create more love in my life (and I sincerely hope my ex will as well).

You can never (really) know another’s journey

There are complexities to my divorce creation that I can’t discuss with you. And even if I could, the only one who can really understand all the nuances and reasons underlying it is me—and even I have limited access to the whole of the truth while I’m in the physical body.

So please try not to judge others for what they’re creating. Send them love and see them as happy and whole, fulfilled and healed. And remember the oldest of souls sometimes choose the most challenging of lifetimes as a gift to others.

I hope this article helps you to be gentler with yourself as well as to others.

With loads of love,

boni_sig

P.S. Now for the exciting news…

After nearly a year of being on sabbatical, I’m back and excited for 2017. I’m going to continue blogging but also adding podcasts and video blogs—it will be fun to answer your questions in new, more intimate ways!

I’m also giving my first live workshop: The Map & Beyond!  The dates are:

• June 9th (free evening Map review)
• June 10th (9 – 5pm with optional cocktail party to meet Boni afterward)
• June 11th (9 – 4pm)

The venue will held in Broomfield, Colorado. More details to come.

Click to Tweet: Conscious creation & divorce – how it works. http://bit.ly/2ig6Ter @bonilonnsburry




Boni Lonnsburry is the author of three books including The Map - To Our Responsive Universe, Where Dreams Really Do Come True and the founder of Creation School, a place to develop conscious creation skills into artistry.






Read the comments, or add yours

  1. charlesfhorne

    Boni, you have been an inspiration to me since I used to participate in your reality creation group that you started in the 1980′s, and you inspire me even more today. I loved what you said about failure. I am beginning to understand more of how we not only create our realities, but we also create the meanings that we attach to our creations. As a retired corporate lawyer, I have been trained to think that moral judgments are natural and appropriate depending on the situation, but now I see things more fluidly, particularly in relation to how I see myself and others. I would distinguish that from making assessments. I am learning that I can assess where I am on my spiritual path without going into negative judgments when I think I have fallen short of where I want to be, and have compassion for my own humanity. Knowing you and the example you have set with your own extraordinary life has helped me with that and so much more.

    love
    Charles

    Reply
    • Boni

      Charles,

      Thank you so much for your comments. I’m hugely grateful for your and Victoria’s friendship, support and love in my life. Who’d have known that we’d be this close some 30 odd years later? I love reality creation!

      I wonder where we’ll be another 30 years from now?

      Much love,
      Boni

      Reply
  2. UKO SOLOMON

    Boni,

    I’m so glad to have you as my friend and mentor. Your emails to me have become something I look forward to on regular basis. Accept my profound appreciation for your goodness.

    I just went through this post on your divorce and realized that it takes a greater courage and love for you to express a development like this as an experience from which your fans and readers can learn practical lessons from.

    Thank you very much, Boni.

    Your friend from Nigeria
    Uko Solomon.

    Reply
  3. Linda ottenbacher

    Dear Friend.

    I am so sorry about your marriage, especially if it was something you did not want. You are a strong, amazing woman and I am excited to see what is next for you! If this was something you did want, I admire you. You had the nerve and strength to not just settle and do the easy thing. ..stay because it’s easier sometimes. I love you, and look forward to hearing about your new wonderful life you are creating!

    Linda

    Reply
    • Boni

      Hi Linda,

      Thank you. I guess I didn’t want it consciously, but a higher aspect of myself did want it. Either way, it was tough to go through but I feel stronger and more powerful than ever on this side of that. :)

      I love you too,
      Boni

      Reply
  4. Lucinda

    I like “just cause it ended doesn’t mean it was a failure”. Things ended in my life too, like my first and second job. I couldn’t do my job anymore after years, but I didn’t know how to handle it and became sick. I felt like a failure. Things end. I immersed myself in my creative doll collecting. Now I’m wiser and my sick phase is ending too.

    I have a problem with my 30 year marriage, though, my husband needs me because he is old. ( I am quite a bit younger and my belief failed me as I always thought in my heart that he’d live for a very long time). He is no longer a proper companion to me. I can’t so easily put him in a seniors home, what kind of person would do that? I am so confused.

    Reply
    • Boni

      Hi Lucinda,

      Thanks for taking the time to comment. I’m happy that you’re creating your sick phase ending. It’s interesting how it coincides with your taking time for your passion.

      Re your marriage, you are the only one who can decide that. But right now you don’t see a win-win possibility. That is a belief. I suggest changing that and then intending to find one (a win-win).

      Love,
      Boni

      Reply
      • Lucinda

        Oh, thanks, I will do that (make it into a win-win). My passion is art and animation, and I love dolls, and when I was sick I gravitated there, making dioramas and clothes. I am excited to pursue my drawing/painting, though I did try before, I will try again! Best to you Boni.

        Reply
  5. Robert

    Hi Boni.

    Two things come to mind when I read your story.

    1. I once heard it said (from an intelligent woman) that a partnership will only work if both people are going in the same direction and want the same things out of life. There are probably an infinite number of reasons why people drift apart, but knowing a bit about who you (Boni) are, I would imagine that your vibration increased while your ex’s lagged behind. Just a guess. In any case, like can only be with like in the long run, and people do change throughout their lives. I think the happily-ever-after ending only happens if both vibrations remain similar.

    2. Everyone has the ability to CHOOSE which aspects to FOCUS in any situation. I know people who choose to focus on the positive aspects and those who choose to focus on the negative. I’m only going to say that I prefer to spend my time with the positive folks, and I send loving kindness to the negative ones. I do that because I know what I want for myself. I think you also know what you want for yourself, and you probably know what you should focus on going forward.

    Keep up the good work. :)

    Reply
    • Boni

      Hi Robert,

      Thank you for your comments. I agree with your theories, however I cannot comment on my particular circumstance. It’s a promise I made to my ex and to myself. I know you’ll understand.

      Thanks again for the messages.

      with love,
      Boni

      Reply
  6. Nancy

    Dearest Boni,
    Your transparency and vulnerability shine through. What a beautiful woman.
    I’ve listened to a Sanaya Roman’s recording on releasing relationship that says “You are changing the form of the relationship because it was a success.”
    Love you.

    Reply
    • Boni

      Hi Nancy,

      Oh I love Sanaya Roman’s work. Thank you for writing that–it’s so true. It’s our illusion. We have the ability to change it all. We often think others can usurp that power, but they can’t without our permission.

      I choose that I changed the form of my relationship (and I do believe it was a success) and so I have.

      Love you too,
      Boni

      Reply
  7. Sarah

    Thank you, Boni, for sharing your experience with us! it is heartening to know that you continue to teach through your personal story. You have lifted my spirits with this writing and the eternal hope you convey. Wishes to you and all for love, light and peace to be with us now and always, Sarah <3 xo

    Reply
    • Boni

      Hi Dear Sarah,

      Thank you for writing. I truly appreciate your loving wishes, and the very same to you.

      much love,
      Boni

      Reply
  8. Alayna

    Beautifully expressed Boni. Each person always has a choice and free will. Loved ones can make choices that harm us. I am glad you are healing and send you blessings right now.

    Reply
    • Boni

      Thank you Alayna. I truly appreciate your comments (as well as your blessings!).

      with love,
      Boni

      Reply
  9. Carol

    Boni, you basically saved my life – helped me to help myself when I was “in the pits”, and terrified. I most certainly do not judge you for going through a divorce! I’ve been through 2. You are helping so many people to create lives they love, and that is amazing beyond words. You are, basically, an angel : ) We all wish you peace and joy, and support you completely! Love, Carol

    Reply
    • Boni

      Dear Carol,

      Thank you so so much for your kind and loving words. I couldn’t be more grateful, if I had anything to do with your helping yourself, but you did it girlfriend. You are powerful, more powerful than words can say. And sometimes we all need a little help from our friends.

      Much love,
      Boni

      Reply
  10. Emina

    Dear Boni, I have been your follower for years (back in early 2000). Life brings us many changes and challenges. You have always helped others, I know I got some wise words of wisdom from you. You know your story the best. Those who are looking for excuses will take it as such and so on. Things don’t always turn what we would like or want. BUt we get up, stand up and keep going unless you are looking for excuse. I think you yourself are the best example of that. Look at the life you created. So many people like and respect you and your work. Thanks for sharing not only this story but yourself with all of us.

    Reply
    • Boni

      Dear Emina,

      Thank you so much for your sweet words. Wow you’ve been following me since before I even began to do this in earnest. :) Thank you.

      And yes, you are right, those who are looking for excuses will find them, one way or another. And it’s not my job nor intent to please everyone.

      And you are correct again, when you say it’s our job to keep going, keep searching and growing and the cool thing is, when we do, in earnest, we find answers. The universe can be a loving and benevolent place. Ours is to figure out THAT universe. :) (hint: beliefs!)

      And yes, I’m happy with the life I’ve created, but it’s not over yet. I’m still creating and still willing for things to end, as well as begin. :)

      with love to you,
      Boni

      Reply
  11. Maureen

    Thank you for sharing such a personal story. You have affirmed many of my (and others’) beliefs about how life works. What spoke to me is that we need to forgive any blame that we impose on ourselves and others for ‘creating’ the unfortunate events in our lives. Sometimes we need to realize that there are lessons to be learned by believing that we can become stronger by ‘doing our best’ and learning from each experience, both positive and negative.

    Reply
    • Boni

      Hi Maureen,

      I so appreciate your taking the time to comment. And yes, forgiveness is the key to so much of what we’ve come here to learn. We can never do more than our best–but our best is always enough. And as we learn we grow. Pretty neat system.

      with love,
      Boni

      Reply
  12. Shelley

    Thank you for sharing your journey & path with us Boni. I feel it is a gift to be able to learn from everything we go through. Some never learn the lesson, by sharing this with us, we can grow from this as well. Sending you big hugs!!

    Reply
    • Boni

      Hi Shelley,

      Thank you for your email. I agree that learning from what we experience is a huge gift. I’m grateful for it in little and big learnings–and especially learning from others.

      I appreciate the hugs!

      xo
      Boni

      Reply
  13. Tara Lawlor

    Thank you Boni for taking the time to open your heart and share with us. I am wishing you a future filled with love, joy and infinite possibilities.

    Reply
  14. Don

    Boni, I also went thru a divorce that I now refer to as my ‘Car Wash’ experience. If you’ve ever gone thru a drive thru carwash you know what I mean. When you’re in it things violent, loud and you can’t see a thing. But then you come out the other side all shiny, peaceful and feeling awesome again. It’s the best! Big Love to you, Boni! Thanks for all you do…

    Reply
    • Boni

      Hi Don,

      Thank you for chiming in here…LOVE the car wash metaphor. How true. I think I’m probably in the “drying” cycle. ;)

      Much love,
      Boni

      Reply
  15. Linda

    Hi Boni,

    Again, thanks for your honesty and authenticity. I see and hear the same kinds of responses when I share with people that I’ve been married and divorced three times. But the truth is, I’ve learned so much about myself and the kinds of people I’ve been attracted to (and why) from those marriages, and I learned so quickly (I was married a relatively short time to each) that all of those experiences were absolutely worthwhile. Although there was divorce, there was no bitterness. Each served a purpose, each made me stronger, and each showed me what I really wanted—and even that evolves from year to year.

    It’s been hard for me to understand that perfection is the booby prize. If we were perfect there would be nothing more to learn. I do my best to remember that we all need to be kinder to ourselves in times of imperfection—it doesn’t “mean” anything about who we are or what we deserve, it’s just another step in the learning process.

    Thanks again, Boni. You are a breath of fresh air and you always inspire me!

    Reply
    • Boni

      Hi Linda,

      Thank you so much for your lovely words. I especially like this: “It’s been hard for me to understand that perfection is the booby prize.” So so true.

      If we were all better at forgiving (mostly ourselves) the world would be a much kinder place.

      With love,
      Boni

      Reply
  16. Hema

    Beautifully stated!! I look forward to your daily emails. It’s one of the few I read diligently and your book made a huge difference in my life. Thank you for sharing your knowledge and wisdom. Wishing you all the best in 2017 and beyond!!

    Reply
  17. Cate

    Boni I love this article and I’m happy you’ve written it. What powerful words. You never know another’s path, so never judge and always come from a place of love and honor. I personally love to watch others grow and expand, even my mentors. Nicely done. Grateful you’re back for 2017.

    Reply
    • Boni

      Hi Cate,

      Thank you so much.

      I hope many follow in your footsteps, loving to see others grow and expand. Not everyone can do that, but those that can are especially powerful, because they are confident in their own being enough to encourage others, and encouraging others’ growth also augments their own. Cool system, eh?

      I’m happy to be back too Cate.

      With so much love,
      Boni

      Reply
      • Your Name

        I love your work. I always have. Your daily emails made the challenges of 2016 far more bearable. Your book made the entry to 2015 incredible.
        Hearing of your divorce just confirmed you are human and authentic in your communication.
        Here’s to an incredible journey continuing in 2017.

        Reply
  18. Gabrielle

    Boni, thank you for your wonderful message. To me, it is a show of how powerful we (and you) are when we can take a path that is not expected yet meet it with love and confidence, knowing it is the right path, difficult, yet right. Bless you, and thank you for all you are and do. I have learned to much from you and look forward to learning more. You are indeed a Way Shower.

    Reply
    • Boni

      Hi Gabrielle,

      You have that right, difficult but right. Those are mighty hard paths to walk, yet knowing they are right gives us the strength and determination to walk them with confidence.

      Thank you for your kind words Gabrielle. I’m humbled and honored.

      With love,
      Boni

      Reply
  19. Tanya

    Thank you for sharing Boni, you are an inspiration! Your Conscious Creation facebook page really helps me and I just joined your awesome blog.

    After 11 years of marriage within 20 years of a relationship and 2 beautiful daughters together, my divorce was finalized Dec15, 2016. I’m grateful for the good times and lessons my marriage taught me. We are still friends and co-parent like champions! I still have lessons to learn but I’m loving life along the way!

    Bright Blessings Boni :-)

    Reply
    • Boni

      Hi Tanya,

      Wow. Congratulations for coming through that with such positivity and success! So important with children involved.

      I truly am grateful for you kind words and sweet blessings. Wishing you an amazing new life, Tanya.

      Love,
      Boni

      Reply
  20. obi.

    Brave girl,i congratulate you on your decision.Nothing could be worse than living in a domestic imperialism.Soul means choice,it means therefore Freedom.Bravo

    Reply
    • Boni

      Thank you Obi. Yes, our souls are always stretching and reaching for more choice and more freedom. Thank you for your support Obi.

      xo
      Boni

      Reply
  21. Lleslle

    Thank you for sharing, Boni. You are a beautiful soul and I appreciate the reminder that conscious creation does not mean always getting what one wants or expects, but it’s about dancing with life in each moment. Thank you for sharing your humanity and for continuing to be a bright light in the world of conscious creating. With love and sending you blessings.

    Reply
    • Boni

      Hi Lleslle,

      I so appreciate your beautiful words. I guess we can get what we desire, but can’t specify how it will show up–or even whether what we thought it was goes away, and opens the door for an even more perfect representation of that desire. Oh the universe is complicated, and beautifully simple at the same time. I appreciate you love and blessings Lleslle.

      Love,
      Boni

      Reply
  22. Pat

    Boni, going through a divorce does not negative your powerful message or exciting delivery of it. I taught a class, “Attracting Your Ideal Mate” for years before I manifested my mate 20 years ago. I understood the concepts and was still changing my beliefs. No one can assess what challenges another goes through. It is hard enough to understand our own. Love to you all!

    Reply
    • Boni

      Hi Pat,

      Nice reminder. Thank you! I appreciate your hope and wise words. :)

      Much love,
      Boni

      Reply
  23. Elsie

    Boni, not everyone has the gift of acceptance and I am sure that there are those who want a coach, an author, a wisdom sharer to be some sort of perfect person who has “it all worked out”. Know there are many, many more of us who value your authenticity and real life sharing. Sending love, hope peace and compassion to you! So glad you are back to blogging! Huge hugs!

    Reply
    • Boni

      Hi Elsie,

      Thank you so much for your kind and loving words. I do know that I’ll upset some people, and that others appreciate me and my work. Those are the ones I want to work with. :)

      love you,
      Boni

      Reply
  24. Tom

    Boni,

    Thank you for the explanation concerning your divorce. I think people should realize that every relationship involves two people and each has their own creative powers and agenda.

    Divorce can simply be just another stepping stone to a future life. A life that can be much more abundant BECAUSE of this step.

    You shared your own perspective and since we will likely not know about the other person’s agenda in any detail, we can be satisfied with yours.

    Best wishes for your future. It’s almost unnecessary to type that since the Universe has your “back” and will provide a much better future than these human wishes could describe.. But, it’s a human thing to do.

    Tom

    Reply
    • Boni

      Hi Tom,

      I love this: “Divorce can simply be just another stepping stone to a future life. A life that can be much more abundant BECAUSE of this step.”

      Thanks for that. And for your best wishes, no matter how powerful we are (or think we are ;) it’s helpful and appreciated to have the help of others.

      much love,
      Boni

      Reply
  25. Kristin

    So beautifully stated. Thank you for sharing. I need to keep this to refer back to in the future. You make so many helpful points to remember. It is always a good reminder that beautiful and wonderful relationships, jobs, experiences can come to and end for whatever reason and to have compassion for ourselves and others when lives need to shift gears. I’m excited to see how 2017 unfolds for you! Wishing you the best and thanks for sharing all your enlightening words and knowledge. Love your work.

    Reply
    • Boni

      Hi Kristin,

      Beautifully stated, about shifting gears and remembering to be compassionate. Thank you for your well wishes and kind words.

      with love,
      Boni

      Reply
  26. Colleen

    Thank you for the heartfelt message Boni. I always look forward to your emails and they truly are a beacon of light and hope for me. I wish you much love and abundance in your newfound life and I thank you for always sharing your soul – it helps me to know that being vulnerable is possible for me, too.

    Reply
    • Boni

      Hi Colleen,

      Thank you for your kind words and wishes of love. I do appreciate them, and you.

      love,
      Boni

      Reply
  27. Bob

    Very real story, real is good, most everyone is living a real life, one that goes up and down, seems to be part of the process.

    Reply

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