How to (Lovingly) Turn Down Requests for Money
You want to create abundance—lots of money and other abundances as well. But there’s a nagging little voice in your head that whispers, “But what happens if I do become rich? Will my family and friends come out of the woodwork seeking to share in my newfound wealth?”
This one little fear can stop you from creating abundance—or, at the very least, limit the amount of money you allow yourself. Maybe it stems from a belief, such as:
If I create great wealth, others will want to take it from me.
“Good” people share their wealth.
“Wait,” I hear you say, “isn’t it true that people should share their wealth?”
No, it’s not true. It’s a belief. There is no inherent duty or obligation to share your wealth with anyone—it is (and should be) a choice.
Sometimes it’s appropriate to give
You know you create your own reality, but the majority of the people on our planet are oblivious to that fact. There are millions if not billions of people who are genuinely victims—people who need the very basics of human survival and dignity—and it can be very appropriate to share your wealth with charities that support the less fortunate.
But that particular issue is not covered in this article. This is about people you know who ask you, directly or indirectly, as a loan or a gift, for your money. It’s awkward for most people, and downright hell for others, to be asked for money when the asker knows for certain you have more than enough of it.
Sometimes it is wise to lend or give someone some, or even a lot of money. I believe the appropriateness varies from person to person. Here are some guidelines I use to determine whether it is a good idea to lend a helping hand…
Questions to ask yourself before lending money
In determining whether to lend someone just starting out, such as an adult child or young relative:
• Will giving money help them?
For example, funding education would help, while paying for them to sit home and play video games is unhelpful.
• Is this a health issue that could compromise them for life if I don’t help? For example, paying for dentist visits helps a young person maintain a foundation of health (not to mention good teeth) for decades to come.
In determining whether to lend someone hard on his or her luck:
• Will giving money help them?
Sometimes people need to hit rock bottom in order to take responsibility for their lives and create change. Others simply need a helping hand temporarily. The deeper question is, “Do I truly expect this person to use this money maturely and take responsibility for his or her life?”
• Is this a repeat request?
A one-time request is different than requests that never stop. The former can be empowering, the latter never is.
In determining whether to fund business loans:
• Would I lend this money to a total stranger?
A wise business investment is a wise business investment. Emotions shouldn’t enter the picture, and if they do, it’s not a request to fund a business it’s a request to give a personal loan.
Sometimes giving can hurt more than it helps
In some instances sharing your wealth would benefit those you know and love, and in some cases, it would be detrimental to the very people you seek to aid. Why?
Because rescuing people can be disempowering. It’s saying to him or her: “You can’t do this on your own. You are not powerful. I must take responsibility for your life.”
Some people get into habits of thinking and hold self-images that cause them to think they are powerless. But buying into that energy doesn’t help them. Once you can see that, it’s important to find a way (that works for you) to handle such requests.
How to lovingly say “no”
The most important element of staying loving while saying no, is to handle your own feelings first. Being asked for money can bring up feelings of guilt and anger. It’s important to process (i.e. deeply feel, forgive, and release) those feelings before responding to your friend or family member. Ideally you want to handle the entire situation with compassionate detachment.
Then, write something like this, so you can be prepared for a conversion, or send to him or her it in letter form:
I am sorry, but I cannot give you money in good conscience. Not because I wouldn’t want to give it to you, but because I don’t believe it’s empowering for you.
To handle someone’s responsibilities and desires in life robs them of the ability to empower themselves. It tells their subconscious mind and the universe itself, “This person is not powerful, capable or strong. They need you to provide for them.” And that is simply not true.
You are strong. You are powerful. You are capable. And, believe it or not, you are creating your reality with your thoughts, emotions, and beliefs. If you’d like to learn more about how you can use your own energy to turn your life around, I’d love to talk to you about that.
I want you to know I believe in you and I know you are powerful. But realities don’t change without doing the work—you’ve got to do the work. I will always be here for you, _______________, no matter how you decide to proceed.
Then give/send it to him or her with love. If you wish, go a step further, and imagine this person succeeding, abundant, happy, and excited about life! There is a version of this person who is powerful and strong and who takes responsibility for his or her life. You can align with that version.
As always, if any emotion comes up, such as guilt, look for the underlying beliefs. The clearer you can be, the better your loved ones will receive the message—and the more you will clear the path to your own unlimited abundance.
How Can I Get Him to Commit?