Why I Revealed My Shameful Secret (And Why You Should Too…)

By Boni Lonnsburry

My dear friend and spiritual teacher, Lazaris, advises, “Be tactfully honest with others, but brutally honest with yourself.”

But self-honesty isn’t always easy. Few of us are really willing to look deep into our subconscious mind to discover what holds us back. We fear that if we are honest with ourselves then somehow everyone else will see how messed up we are as well. But the truth is, everyone else already knows it.

Everyone else knows my shameful secrets? No freakin’ way!

Yes. They do. OK, maybe they don’t know the details of your secrets, but babe, you can’t hide who you are. It shows up in your demeanor. It shows up in your interactions. And it shows up in your world!

You’ve seen it yourself. People whose lives aren’t working exude varying degrees of lack, hopelessness or worthlessness. When was the last time you saw a confident, upbeat and self-loving street person?

Oh, I hear what you are thinking: “Of course they are despondent…because they are homeless.” Actually just the opposite is true…they are homeless because they are despondent. Emotions create reality. Not the other way around.

Your reality won’t shift until your thoughts and emotions do. And if you are hiding your deepest, most shameful thoughts and emotions from yourself, what chance do you have of changing them? That’s right. Slim to none.

I know this because I lived it.

I was really good at “talking the talk” about the law of attraction and that we create our own reality. I even taught it during the mid 90’s, appearing on radio shows and giving seminars across the country. But even as recently as a few years ago, if you looked closely at my life, you could have seen something was wrong.

By 2005 I had created some abundance, but I hadn’t held onto any of it. I had created a lot of men to date, but hadn’t yet found “the one” to commit my heart and life to. I had friends but not quite the relationships I dreamed of. I had a home I loved but I really yearned to live nearer to the mountains. My life was good, but not great.

It is during these times in our lives, when there is clearly a lot to be grateful for, that we sometimes stop dreaming and “settle” for what we have. But I wasn’t one for settling. I wanted it all.

And one night I decided, no matter how painful it was, that I needed to tell myself the truth. I sat in the still and the quiet, and asked myself, “What do you really believe, Boni, about who you are, and your ability to create an even more incredible life?” And I realized, deep down in the core of who I am, I still believed I wasn’t quite good enough to pull it all off.

“Really?” I thought. “After all these years of working on yourself you still have that belief?”

And although I wished it weren’t true, reality never lies. Things weren’t quite working out. There had to be a reason. And the fact was, I felt it. My world showed it. I had a belief that I wasn’t good enough.

I felt ashamed. “I should have handled this by now.” And I felt a deep and scary fear that I wanted to hide, even from myself: “What if it’s not just a belief? What if I’m really not good enough?”

But I also felt excitement. I knew beliefs could be changed (even those you feared were true). And I went about changing this one.

And oh my god, did my reality ever change!

Within one year, I met the man of my dreams (my husband) and he asked me to marry him. My business had its best year ever and I won a national award for entrepreneurship. My financial abundance went from good to “through the roof”. And I moved into a mountain home that was “beyond my wildest dreams” amazing.

I would not have believed it if I hadn’t lived it. Changing a core belief changes everything!

Yes, it is scary to reveal your deepest feelings, thoughts and beliefs. But the fact is, living the rest of your life without revealing them is even scarier.

Spend some time reflecting on your own life. Could you possibly hold a core belief that needs changing, such as, “I don’t deserve”, “I am not good enough”, or “I am unworthy”?

If you do, get ready to change it and see your reality blossom.

In joyous creation,

The next post in this series is “Want to ROCK Your World?—Change Your Core Beliefs!”


Boni Lonnsburry is the author of three books including The Map - To Our Responsive Universe, Where Dreams Really Do Come True and the founder of Creation School, a place to develop conscious creation skills into artistry.

Read the comments, or add yours

  1. martyn

    But what if we do the things we don’t want to? If we know they are wrong when we do them to ourselves and our own actions towards ourselves dishonour us at a deep level. If we can’t stop, then we rightfully feel shame, guilt. How do we change this addictive behaviour which shames and arrests our higher nature?

    • Boni

      Dear Martyn,

      It is important for you to realize three things:

      1. ANYTHING can be healed and changed.
      2. You are divine–a piece of God and Goddess. Nothing can change or hurt that.
      3. There is help. Your unseen friends love you unconditionally and are standing by waiting to be called up.

      I understand you feel things can’t change, but they can. The guilt can be let go of, the shame can be lifted, and you can be free. First, ask for help. Then, intend to be free of what keeps you from living a life of joy. And finally, seek it out. You may want to find some professional help. But until then, and during that, there is a LOT of information on this website to help you move forward.

      Sending you lots of love and light to heal, grow and live the life you were born to live,

  2. Vibegirl

    Boni…this really resonated with me. I have been asking myself similar questions of late – realizing even though I’ve been doing LOA for yrs, I still have some sticking points and I’ve been feeling like there ‘has to be more than this!’ (mostly financial) Like you, not feeling ‘good enough’ seems to creep up – and something I have to work on changing! Looking forward to your next installment! :)

    • Boni

      Thank you for writing, Vibegirl. I’m glad this post spoke to you. I KNOW beliefs are the underlying cause of EVERYTHING we create in this world. For me, it was critical. And if it’s creeping up for you, I STRONGLY urge you to treat it as a “core” belief and change it. You’ll see next week that it takes more work for these beliefs…but my oh my, it is SO worth it!

      Let me know how it changes for you, ok?

      with love,


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